Operation: Neutralising the Newbie
by awkward innuendo
Summary: Start of season 3 during 'I am Unicorn'. Dave's mission is to talk to Kurt. Though getting rid of Blaine proves more difficult than expected. Dave's  obscure-ish  POV. He swears. A lot.


Operation: neutralising the newbie

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><p><strong>A bit of drabble to pass the time. This one is slightly different. I loved writing as Dave in my last fic, so I'm trying out writing completely as Dave in this and seeing how it goes. Still not completely comfortable with the whole stream of consciousness informality, but I'm trying...<strong>

**Ha. You know what, I said to myself I would take a breather from being obsessed with writing for Glee, but I guess that only lasted, what? Two weeks? **

**Oh! Just to apologise beforehand. I am so, so sorry for a very mild AVPM reference. It is sure to make you groan in agony and disgust but I...I just couldn't help myself!**

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><p>Oh. You're here. Sup? Huh? What's that? No, I'm not surprised to hear you haven't seen me around lately. Yeah, I've kind of been absent...but no more! This is it. I WILL talk to Kurt!<p>

...God, but just between you and me, without all that bravado shit, I honestly freaking _need_ to speak to him. Makes this shit life worth living, you know?

Tried, I did. I really bloody tried. I tried to avoid him.

-Don't get me wrong; it's not like I hate him or anything. Oh-ho no! I mean, I was even gonna say 'hello' to him when I saw him around the halls. Y'know be all friendly and shit. 'Cos I thought we had sort of a bond or something. Isn't that what you get when you confess...well...it was more like _show_ you're gay to someone? A sort of gay 'bond of brothers' between the two of you...

...

Oh! God! No! Stop thinking of Kurt as your brother! Ew! Fuck! Oh that makes my dreams the wrong side of incest. No.

Anyway, back to my point. I was going to say 'hey', but then I saw it. That...That... THING! Hardly worth calling a boy, he's so short. Why the FUCK was he not wearing a blazer! Transferred! Come on! And what is with his dress sense? First time out of uniform and you wear THAT? I know I'm not the gayest of gay's and my piss doesn't catch light in the pitch black to create rainbows against the urinals, but even I know his dress sense is fucking awful. I mean really? Really? Do you REALLY think you can REALLY pull of the dork-look where your trousers don't quite reach your ankles, yet seem to have no problem reaching your nipples- they're so high? Moron. Don't you realise that pretending you're so tall, you've outgrown your age 9 trousers ain't gonna fool anyone.

And he sticks to Kurt like freaking GLUE! So, yeah: for a while I avoided him. Them.

I couldn't face it. Them together. Right in front of my face. In _my _territory...

But no! No longer shall Dave Karofsky fling himself into the nearest classroom when he hears that beautiful voice! No longer shall Dave Karofsky peek under the doors of the toilets, just to see if Kurt's Doc Martins are behind one...and then not-so-stealthily rocket out of the toilets with all thoughts of peeing forgotten. No more!

Just need to find a way to get rid of the spare.

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><p>On Monday I locked the midget in the toilets.<p>

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><p>I thought that would take care of him for a few hours and give me a chance to talk to Kurt. So craning my head around the row or lockers for the tenth time, I walk up to Kurt. Oh yeah, I've got enough balls for ten men. Ten... very small men.<p>

"Kurt."

The boy in front of me jumps from his daydream against the lockers and holds his hand against his heart. Wow. He is breathing heavily. Look at that chest just rise and fall. Huh, that tight fitting shirt really shows how toned his chest is...Dave! Eyes up top! His eyes are wide and his pupils seem really small. Is he still scared of me? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! My smile doesn't look like I'm baring my teeth at him does it? Am I standing too close? Does it look like I'm trying to intimidate him? Ohmygodohm-

"Gaga David! I never knew you had secret ninja powers. Way to give a guy a heart attack with those stealth moves!"

Oh. His chuckle is breathless, but otherwise doesn't seem too frightened of me. Phew. Damn Dave, paranoid much? Okay, so my ball count has gone down to eight tiny men with that little freak out. But don't worry, we can still salvage this.

"Oh...sorry. I'll er...try to be more...noisy?" Noisy. I'll try to be more noisy. What the FUCK answer is that? Thank God Kurt just seems to shrug it off. He is so awesome like that. Always looking for the best (or in my case, the most sane) parts of people. But...wait. Why does he shrug it off? Why doesn't he look at me like I'm the mentally retarded person that I am? Is he so used to me being stupid that he just expects it from me now? Is that what life has become? Kurt thinking I'm generally a retarded jock?

"No it's okay. Just...give me a little warning on the days when you turn into a ninja." The way Kurt mumbles that sentence away is so sexy. It's like he is so cool and collected about everything. It's really showing me up. "So...haven't seen much of you around lately David."

I hope the gasp I tried to stifle was...well...stifled. He actually noticed I wasn't around! I should probably reply to him, rather than just gawp "Yeah, about that-"

Kurt's eyes shifted their focus to left of my shoulder. His face turns quickly from delight to one of concern. The furrow of his brow, though utterly adorable, I so just want to rub my thumb against it to smooth it down. Turning, I see- NO FUCKING WAY. How the fuck! That little smurf has escaped! H-how? I've STOLEN the janitor's key so the only way he could have gotten out is if he shouldered the door open- which is unlikely considering he probably has the strength of a new born kitten or- no. Fuck! The hobbit is so small he must have been able to climb out the window! The way he is hobbling and picking twigs out of his gel, seems to prove it. But the window is only, like, 2 foot by 1! The little shit!

By the time Kurt turned around, looking at the space where a big, awkward jock's body used to be, I was already half way across campus, dropping tiny man balls like nobody's business.

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><p>I tried again on Wednesday. This time I rammed a chair against the auditorium door.<p>

This is such a better place than the stupid, stupid toilets! I don't know why I didn't try this one before; there are lots of shiny stuff to keep him distracted. He hasn't even noticed- he's too busy making stupid faces to some West Side Story number.

I search for Kurt around the halls and find him in Glee club. Thank God, he's alone. Calling into action the five tiny man balls I have left. I prepare to march confidently up to Kurt and strike up a conversation... What actually happens is that my feet shuffle nervously from side to side against the doorway and I cough into my fist.

Kurt's head snaps up from the piano. That move seemed pretty fast, I hope I haven't given him a neck injury or anything...I could always offer to rub his neck if he has. Huh, that wouldn't be such a bad idea would it? God, the way you can make out the small spine bones at the back of his neck is so tempting. I could just go there and press my thumb against them; following the curve of the knots as I massage down the length of his shoulders...NO Dave! This is not your focus. Get your mind fucking straight. How long have you been standing here drooling like a fucking stalker? Speak damn you! Say anything!

"So piano man."

...okay. When I said say anything. I meant anything that _won't _make you look like a knob who hasn't learned to construct a full sentence yet.

I ignore Kurt's raise of the eyebrows, though it has made one of my remaining balls shrivel up and die, and try again. "Listen, I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I was kind of hoping...maybe, you know, if you didn't mind. That maybe we could like-"

There is a rustling by my ankles and suddenly I look down to see that shrimp by my side! What! Is he a secret leprechaun or something? "Wha- how?" I start to splutter, not even caring that my spit may be enough to drown the little man. Oh if only.

Blaine, in his cheery self, completely ignores me in a way which suggests he thinks it is charming and rambles to Kurt. "You'd never guess where I've come from Kurt!-"

Um...my living Hell?

"-I was just in the auditorium, in the middle of doing a little impromptu tap dance, and my foot hit against a hollow sounding floorboard. So naturally, I crouched down further to investigate and discovered a trap door! Amazing isn't it! Did you know it leads straight into Coach Sylvester's office!-"

God does this guy ever shut up?

"-Well you can imagine her surprise when I walked up from behind. She started yelling something about stealing her secret plans and clutched her journal screaming-"

You know what? I can't give a fuck about what your merry little adventures were, you douche. I hate you. All the energy I have right now is directed in hating you. You little crack pot dwarf who's gotten high of too many E-numbers. Oh how I-

"What was that Dave?" Blaine is staring at me with a confused expression on his face. Fuck! Please tell me my mind hasn't lost all its small capabilities of keeping my gob shut?

"Oh, er...nothing, just saying about how crazy Coach Sylvester is, is all."

"I thought I heard you mutter something about e-numbers...?" Damn that dwarf has good hearing. I think it is just best if I make up some witty comment and leave them in awe of my great conversational skills. I end up giving Blaine a death stare and stalk abruptly out of the room with my fists clenched. I notice how Kurt hadn't moved let alone spoken.

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><p>It was then that I realised I needed professional help.<p>

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><p>So today, I wear the tiles out from my pacing by the cafeteria. I try to stop my hangs from wringing each other, but I give up when I find the alternative is biting my nails. Soon, the man I was waiting for appears. His face has a quirk to it which obviously means he's been successful. My man never fails.<p>

"Have you neutralised problem 'short stump'?"

"Oh yeah, I think you'll find it very..." he rolled a hum around his mouth, searching for the right word; "appropriate." I throw him a quick nod and am about to leave when he grabs my arm "Hey listen."

"Yeah Az?"

"...You know whatever shit's going on...I've er...I've got your back. Got that, bro?"

Don't. Don't you dare get fucking emotional Dave. Keep it together. Come on.

We bump fists and silently walk down the corridor together. After a few paces, I give him a shove into the lockers and then jog away grinning from his attempted tackle to my stomach.

Yeah, my man never fails.

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><p><strong>[Ten minutes before]<strong>

A burly figure in red loomed easily over Blaine. "You." He said monosyllabically "In."

"Oh." Blaine chuckled merrily "I see sarcasm has finally reached the world of the jocks then. Now, there is no need for this. I'm sure we can work things out big fellow!" Blaine smiled brightly against the jock's incredulous expression. Blaine attempted to go for a shoulder pat, but then for once, rightly decided against it after seeing the vein pop on the jock's dark, thin skin of his temple. However, Blaine continued to chatter on, regardless that any sane man with as little as marbles for brains would just keep his mouth shut. "You know I would be quite impressed about the ingenious of-" Azimio had enough self restraint to cut Blaine off with a smack to the head, rather than a punch to that pretty boy mouth of his.

"In. Now." Azimio repeated.

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><p>I finally muster up what little is left of my balls; which are now small, round piles of ash, in case you wanted an update, and I walk up to Kurt. He is in the library. Without looking up, he slowly closes the book and waits. He acts like he's been expecting for me. Probably because this is the third time Blaine has gone missing and I've just turned up like a creeper from hiding. He still isn't looking up and he is still waiting.<p>

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

Now that I'm finally face to face with him, my mind has gone fucking blank! Shit! How to start this? Should I start with a compliment? 'Hey Kurt, I can smell that you're wearing more cologne now that Blaine has moved to McKinley. Just want you to know that I like it too.' No. You sound retarded.

How about something to do with the PFLAG meetings that were meant to happen, but apparently no one in this school gives a flying fuck and so there is no mention of it this year?

God! Is the only thing I have in common with Kurt is that we're both gay? What a chat up line. Seriously: 'hey there. So listen. You're gay, I'm gay...so how about a little sugar?' How can I fail to win Kurt with that smooth talking? Oh just fucking say what you wanted to and get this over with!

"Do you think if I hadn't of... you know, and if you weren't with...I was...well...maybe we would have...?" Oh yeah, that's how this shit rolls. Articulation is my middle name.

I close my eyes and will away the white hot feeling in my cheeks as I swallow and continue. "What I mean to say...What I've been trying to say is...that...that... I...I _need _you. Kurt. I...I need you." Fuuuckkk... please don't hurt me.

He breathes in slowly while I still hold my breath. His features are expressionless and I know this isn't going to be good. Finally from what seems like a lifetime, he looks up at me. My gaze first draws to his lips. On them, there is a small, sad smile. However, as I lift my gaze, what I really look at is the eyes. It has always been those eyes. And today, it is those bright, glowing Pluto's that cause my chest to heave and my breath to stutter. For in them is such pain and sorrow. Most likely because the look in mine own is so pathetic. I should just leave.

He stands up and his face was suddenly very close to mine as he presses his lips gently, but not hesitantly, to my check. "I am _always_ here for you. You got that? Always." His thumb brushes along my jaw; the action almost unnoticeable if it wasn't for that fact my senses turned hyperaware as soon as Kurt's soft lips ghosted my cheek. God, that kiss, so fleeting yet so perfect, is like a drug. I hope he didn't notice how I leaned toward his fingers as he pulled away... "Come on. I need you to make me into a sexy man that will make women want to rip their clothes off."

My mouth goes dry. I look about me to check I'm still at school and not in one of my damned dreams. Nope, I'm hyperventilating too much for this to be a dream.

"Especially Coach Beiste's."

Yup. Defiantly no dream.

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><p>[Silence]<p>

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><p>"Hello? Does anyone care? Hello? Azimio come back! Gay guy STILL stuck in the closet here! Anybody want to get me out?"<p>

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><p><strong>Ta da! Hope it was alright. :)<strong>


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